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 Afringe Home / Features / ADAMVISION 04/22/2024 



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Animefringe Presents:
How to Decorate for Christmas
By Adam "OMEGA" Arnold and Steve Diabo (Kaneda) and filmed with the miracle of ADAMVISION!!!!

1'Twas the night before Christmas, and in my abode,
I played DDR in 'maniac' mode.
Christmas decorations were nowhere, not even on the shelf,
and I paused for a moment and thought to myself,
"The holidays are approaching. I better get off my bum.
With my wordly knowledge of otakudom,
I must spend the time with the readers to display
How to decorate their room... the otaku way!

2That said, folks, the holiday season is indeed upon us. But look at all these decorations! So bland! So conventional! On their own, they simply won't do! Fret not, though! With a little creativity, the endless deluge of anime merchandise offers plenty of exciting Christmas decorating options... Everybody put on your thinking caps and let's get our Martha Stewart on!

3As always, we start by assembling the Christmas tree. Some of you might prefer a real Christmas tree, but I'm not a lumberjack. Okay? Besides, I'd rather they turn the tree into manga pages. So, if you're like me and you have an artificial model like this one, follow the instructions in the manual explicitly and it should be a breeze.
Let's see now... carefully insert tree assembly 'A' into base pillar 'B'. Sounds simple enough... *nudge nudge* It won't fit. This can't be right, hold on... *nudge nudge nudge* Hmmmmm. All this takes is a little thinking outside the box...

4Get in the base pillar 'B', you stupid tree assembly 'A'! The power of Adam compels you! GYAAAHH!!

5Well, that wasn't so hard. It's incredible what a little brute force and duct tape can accomplish. As you can see, the height of this particular tree isn't exactly breathtaking, but the advantage to this is that it doesn't create as huge an inferno when it bursts into flames while you're asleep.

6Now we add whimsical holiday Christmas light thingies. Here's a fun fact: I've counted these lights to precisely match the number of times Team Rocket have made a 'twinkle' after being blown up high into the sky. Talk about fun!

7They call me... El Burro. cha-cha-cha.

8Place your red El Burro cape around the base of the tree to create a nice little setting where you can hope to find all sorts of dandy gifts on Christmas morning. This cape is also useful for suffocating whoever gave you underwear as a present.

9Next, we move on to... the Pikachus. Pikachus make excellent Christmas tree trimmings because they're small, yellow, and utterly useless... unless you can train them to make a kickin' egg nog. I should warn you, though: Pikachus have a very low tolerance for alcohol, so keep them away from the cooking sherry bottle. A well-meaning Christmas party can easily turn ugly.

10Here's another great tree decorating idea -- Tenchi figurines! Simply hang them cruelly by their necks with some festive holiday-colored yarn, and in no time your Christmas tree is an awkward mishmashing of girls all after one guy.
It might be advisable to keep Ryoko away from the cooking sherry as well. Better yet, forgo the cooking sherry altogether this year. Waking up the next morning in Reno with a 300-pound transvestite stripper wearing a policeman's hat is not worth the trouble.

11I've also added figurines from Gundam Wing, Mobile Suit Gundam, The Big O, Escaflowne, and Outlaw Star. This is turning out to be one hardcore Anime Christmas tree!

12...And to top it all off, we musn't forget miss Sailor Moon. She can sit riiiight here. That Pikachu underneath her must have a heck of a view, huh?

13Now that our tree is taken care of, we can move on to another delightful yuletide tradition... Stockings!

14As you can see, I've already put Darth Maul in the holiday spirit. Play nice now, Darth Maul!
Ahhh, stockings, hung on the DDR dance pad with care! It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

15Ever wonder what's good to stuff an otaku's stocking with? Pocky, Pocky, and more Pocky, of course! To match the teeth-rotting goodness, I've added Speed Racer episodes and a copy of BugBug magazine (not shown). What a team!

16...And we add the finishing touch with some more Christmas lights and green, tree-like crap. Yes indeedy, nothing puts you in the holiday spirit like some creative decorating!

17Anyway, gang, that just about does it for me this month. I have Christmas shopping to do! Pleather pants for Steve, an Abba boxed set for Holly, a do-it-yourself food dehydrator for Danielle, corn cob holders for Ridwan... You think they'll like 'em?
Happy Holidays from myself and everyone here at Animefringe! Until we meet again!

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